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”My daughter slapped my arm again and said, “Dad you’re disgusting.” After a short pause she continued, “You really expect me to bring her home just so you can eat her pussy?”Not realizing what she was talking about I said, “Huh.”She wasn’t paying any attention to me at all and just kept talking, “She plays with herself in class. I’ve seen her masturbate right in English class and then she sucked her wet fingers afterwards.”Just to be a wise ass I asked, “Do you suck your wet fingers after you masturbate?”Without missing a beat she replied, “Sure I do, but not in my English class.” Apparently she got her ears and her mouth to work together and said, “Oh Dad, you’re disgusting.”So I laughed and said, “I’m disgusting? All I asked you to do was to invite her over for dinner sometime. You are the one that brought up me eating her pussy and you sucking your fingers after you masturbate, but not in your English class.”Embarrassed that she had over reacted and had confessed to masturbating. Every conscious thought a lament to what could have been, followed by the inevitable question,’ what if?’ My every thought sears the very foundation of my being with the knowledge of the irresponsibility, the selfishness with which I dabbled with my angel’s heart and now that the reality has set in, I can feel myself being crushed under the added weight of new responsibilities both real and imagined. In a country such as this the prejudice, the religious and hypocritical bias against such an unspeakable situation of an unmarried teen mother will subject my darling to prejudice beyond belief and I will forever have myself to blame. If I could turn back the hands of time to reverse such foolish exploits I would gladly sell my soul to that end, but it is all to no avail for the selfless act now would not erase the selfishness, the pettiness of spirit, which fills me with self-loathing. I cannot bear my reflection and I would gladly die right now if it were the best thing to do for ‘my.
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